Chukat: Hearing harsh words from those in pain

Rav Johnny's original thoughts on the weekly parsha

When we read the story of Moshe hitting the rock, we generally focus on what Moshe says and what Moshe does (see Bemidbar 20:10-11). However, as both the Rambam and Ralbag point out, there is a particularly remarkable lesson to be learned from what is not said just a few verses beforehand.

Following the death of Miriam, the miraculous well which accompanied Bnei Yisrael in her merit ceased to exist (see Ta’anit 9a). As a result, ‘there was no water for the congregation’ (Bemidbar 20:2) and the people then directed their anger and frustration towards Moshe and Aharon, saying: “We wish that we had died when our brothers died before the Lord! Why have you brought the Lord’s assembly into this wilderness, that we and our livestock should die here? Why did you take us up out of Egypt, to bring us to this dreadful place with no grain, no figs, no vines, or pomegranates - and there is no water to drink!” (ibid. 20:3-5).

Of course, the people were hot, thirsty & frustrated. Still, their harsh criticism of Moshe and Aharon was unfair and excessive, and given this, we would have expected that Bnei Yisrael be punished for speaking to Moshe and Aharon in this inappropriate way. Yet, as the Rambam points out (see Shemoneh Perakim Ch. 4), and as the Ralbag explains (see Toaliot HaRalbag, Bemidbar 20:2-6), the people were not punished. Why?

The Ralbag answers this question by teaching us a profound message: ‘We learn from here that it is not appropriate to criticize someone for their inappropriate remarks which they express when they feel a great lack or when they experience great suffering. This is evident from this story when Bnei Yisrael suffer from thirst and were afraid that they would die from dehydration – at which point they hurled harsh words against Moshe. Still, we do not find that they were punished for this. Instead, God expressed His will to give them water.’

Interestingly, we find this very same message in today’s daf (Bava Batra 16b) where Rava quotes from Iyov (Job) 34:35 and then teaches us that, ‘a person is not held accountable for [harsh words that they say] while they are in pain’.

Sadly this is a message which is particularly relevant for these difficult times when so many people are experiencing pain and loss, and when some feel the need to express themselves through anger and criticism. In some cases, what they say is simply unfair, while in other cases, what they say is factually untrue. Still, the lesson that the Ralbag teaches us is that when people speak from a place of pain, we need to understand that this is what they are doing and, as a result, we need to hold back from being judgmental or from taking offence from what they are saying or how they are saying it. Instead, rather than responding in defense, we need to hear their pain, because even when there is little we can do for someone in pain, listening is an act of kindness as it shows a person in pain that they are being heard.

Shabbat Shalom!

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