Vayeshev: The never ending mitzvah!
Rav Johnny's original thoughts on the weekly parsha
Some years ago I wrote a detailed essay on the question of whether the duty of chinuch (education) of a parent towards their child continues after their child becomes bat/bar mitzvah (see https://bit.ly/3TlSqCl to download). As a high school teacher, my experience was that many Jewish parents assumed that once their child ‘came of age’ that their no longer needed to educate them. Instead, their task was merely to make recommendations to them. I silently disagreed. However, the constant association with bat/bar mitzvah and adulthood meant that their perspective was regularly affirmed.
I then came across a halachic statement of the Chafetz Chaim in his Mishna Berura commentary which seemed to confirm this view and how the duty of chinuch of a parent end after their child becomes bat/bar mitzvah. Though I understood the apparent textual support for this statement, I was nevertheless shocked that this was his view. But while I wrestled with this opinion, I felt myself unqualified to directly challenge this view. I searched to rabbinic writings to see if others had taken a different stance, and I was heartened to then discover that both Rabbi Shlomo Zalman Auerbach and Rabbi Moshe Feinstein disagreed with this view.
Over the years I have referenced this debate in classes that I have delivered to parents and teachers. Then, this week, when I was preparing a parsha shiur, I came across a teaching of Rabbi Feinstein (in Mesorat Moshe Vol. 1 p. 529; a similar expression of this idea is also found in Kol Ram Vol. 1 p. 185) which brought this debate back to the fore.
Rabbi Feinstein explains: “It is the duty of parents and elders to be concerned about the chinuch (education) of their children. We read in Rashi’s commentary to the Chumash (see commentary to Bereishit 37:2) that it was when Yaakov sought to have a quiet life that the agitating episode of Yosef occurred. Yaakov thought that he had already put in the necessary time and effort to educate his children and that there was no need to further concern himself with educating them, and this is why he thought that he could now live a tranquil life. However, as we know, Yaakov later realized that he had erred. In fact, had Yaakov continued to invest time educating his sons, it is possible that this episode would not have occurred! And if this applies to the sons of Yaakov – the heads of the tribes – is applies all the more so with us whereby parents must continually educate their children.”
What I saw here was that Rabbi Feinstein was using the story described in Parshat Vayeshev to support his thesis in opposition to the Chafetz Chaim and to teach us that a parents duty of chinuch does not end when their child becomes bat or bar mitzvah.
Of course, this is deeply symbolic as a message on the festival of Chanukah which is etymologically linked to the concept of chinuch. On Chanukah we celebrate the rededication of the Temple, while, on a daily basis, parents and teachers dedicate their time and effort to educate their children and students to live a life of meaning and value with God and Torah as their moral compass.
Beyond this, 20 years ago, on Erev Shabbat Parshat Vayeshev, I became a parent for the first time, and so Parshat Vayeshev serves as an annual reminder to me of the gift and responsibilities of parents.
However, there is one final line of Rabbi Feinstein which I omitted where he said as follows: “From here we learn that no one should complain about the fact that Jewish grandmothers worry about their grandchildren, because this too is their responsibility and because grandparents should always seek to guide their grandchildren in the right direction.”
I loved this line – not only because my grandmother was a big worrier, and not only because I constantly worry about my kids, but also because this affirms the sentiment which Rabbi Feinstein wishes to teach - which is that we should never stop doing what we can to educate our children, or our grandchildren!
Chanukah Sameach & Shabbat Shalom!
THREE ANNOUNCEMENTS!
To download a small collection of my Chanukah Divrei Torah, see https://bit.ly/3NdQB6v
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